TwiCarol Brings You Some Light In The Dark

Geek Love by SassenachWench

Edward/Bella

Summary - Humor, romance, healing and rampant geekitude collide in this Edward & Bella love story. "A funny, quirky love story about two computer geeks whose playful friendship turns into something more." - Chokin' the Rubber Chicken blog.

I read this fic last week & I LOVED it! Bella & Edward work together & are good friends who keep their true feelings for each other to themselves. This Bella is so quirky & adorable & her love for zombies knows no bounds, while Edward is the definition of geek-tastic hotness. In other words, they are perfect for each other. It's well-written & heart-warming & a pleasure to read. Did I mention that it's rather hilarious too? Well, it is. It's not all smooth-sailing for this adorkable pair, since Bella had something terrible happen to her in the past, but the way Edward is there for her & is so patient with her is just wonderful to see. Truly a fantastic reading experience, so go read it. You won't be sorry. Enjoy!

On a different note, in case anyone cares, I'm using my personal blog again. The name has changed from The Blog Formerly Known As Team Jacksper to TwiCarol's Place To Play (thanks to Cullen818 for the new name). I will be posting all the banners, wallpapers, etc that I've made there for all to see.

Here's the link : http://twicarol.blogspot.com .

Feel free to stop by & say hello. :)

 

TwiCarol Brings You Some Light In The Dark

Hey everyone! Sorry that I've been MIA for a while. RL has been a nasty bitch, but here I am once again. After sort of struggling to find a fic that could compare to the epically hilarious piece of genius that is The Red Eye by badjujube (Have you read that one yet? If not, WHY?!? Btw, the last chapter of it posted this week and there's a two-part epi to follow), I started this fic yesterday & I am LOVING it!

Once More, With Feeling by WhatsMyNomDePlume
Edward/Bella

Summary - Exes and co-workers Edward & Bella are sent to investigate the strange happenings in Forks, but they might drive each other crazy figuring out what's going on in the town. And between them. Humor/Romance.

Named after one of my favorite episodes of Buffy, it's extremely well-written, original, witty, snarky & downright amazing. I have definitely not read a fic like this one before. Sort of X-Files-y, sort of Men In Black-y, and featuring our favorite cast of characters, this is a MUST-READ. Only 10 chapters so far & it hasn't updated for a while since the author was finishing her other fic first, but what a 10 chapters they are! Here's a quick taste...

There are many types of magic in the world. There's the type of magic between a man and a woman—the sparks and stuttering hearts, the sex and the heat. There's the type of magic in a smile between strangers, linked in a moment by their one simple action. There's even magic in a lonesome moment, where a sinking sunset or a beautiful vista births intangible dreams and indescribable feeling.

And there's the type of magic that none of us are quite sure exists. The magic that goes bump in the night. The magic that gives you goose bumps and prickles on the back of your neck. The magic that keeps your nightlight lit well past childhood. You know… not magic but Magic.

It's a debated, nebulous idea, this Magic. Both in its existence and its content. You're not sure it's real and if it is—where does it start? Where does it stop? If there are ghosts in the world, are there zombies? And if there are zombies, are there witches? And if there are ghosts and zombies and witches, then there must be spells and curses and voodoo. Right?

That is to say, if ghosts even exist. If any of it exists. You have your doubts.

There's one very big reason that you—and the majority of the world's population—doubt whether this Magic exists. And that reason is called the Paranormal Investigative and Supernatural Services Division. While part of the FBI, PISSD operates completely covertly—most civilians, and a large number of agents, are completely ignorant of its existence, with good reason.

Truly a fantastic reading experience that will have you laughing out loud at it's brilliance. Trust. Since I've told you about this one, I thought I would remind you about the other amazing fic that this author was writing, which is now complete...

 The Best I Ever Had by WhatsMyNomDePlume
Edward/Bella

Summary - Sex between friends complicates everything. Bella knows this. But she has no idea how much more Edward is going to complicate things.

I've rec'd this one before so you may know about it, but in case you don't, I'm telling you again. It's a superbly written story of good friends becoming more. I highly recommend it, as I do pretty much anything this talented lady writes. Enjoy! Have a great weekend, everyone!

TwiCarol Brings You Some Light In The Dark - The Red Eye by badjujube

This week I am going to tell you about a fic that has rapidly become one of my favorites EVER. I have been captivated from the moment I started reading it & I enjoyed what I read so much that I made a blinkie for it. I am even writing this rec on a Wednesday because I adore it so completely that I really want to try to communicate just how freaking brilliant this fic is.

The Red Eye by badjujube
Edward/Bella

Summary - It's important for any private investigator to maintain a good relationship with local law enforcement and it's representatives. Therefore, I am always cooperative and polite with Chief Swan. Also, I try not to drink his daughter Bella's blood.

First of all, it is my belief that this fic is grossly under-reviewed & frankly deserves at least a million reviews, imho. You may think I'm exaggerating a bit, but it's THAT good! This is hands-down, other-contenders-should-just-give-up-now, the best Edward I've ever read. JuJu writes him so well that the only way you can't fall in love with him is if you were, um, dead. And I don't mean vampire dead either, I mean DEAD dead. In fact all the characters are well-developed & a pleasure to read. The author has written a Cullen family dynamic that has to be seen to be believed. They truly come across as a real family with histories that you don't just have to guess at; the author gives you some of their memories to share & enjoy & laugh your ass off at. Would it be redundant if I said that this is quite possibly my favorite Cullen family ever too? Tough! It is! My favorite! Wanna know why they're my favorite? It's because we get to see them through Edward's eyes & he has a wonderful relationship with his family. Also, they are freaking hilarious! The story is all in EPOV & it's amazing! Edward's inner voice is just made of awesome. I have never enjoyed an EPOV as much as this one. Truly. Every thought he has, every awkward thing he says; it's all superbly entertaining! And it's like he's talking to you the whole time. He has a way of explaining the way he is so well & his reasoning is so sound, that it will make you love him even more. I wish every Edward-hater would read this fic; you can't help but love this guy. There is so much funny in this story that you will be grinning like a loon when you're not laughing like a hyena. And it's not always obvious, in-your-face humor. It's also subtle & sarcastic & just all-round wonderful. The author is a talented lady. Here are a few samples for you...

"If it wasn't Chief Swan's daughter maybe we could find to another teenage girl to munch on." Emmett is grinning at me over his shoulder as he gets closer to our house. "Whatsherface Mallory's mom really likes you. Maybe you could do a sex for teenage daughter trade."

"Dude, you've been watching too much 'Secret Lives of American Housewives' or something." Jasper gives Emmett a punch in the shoulder.

"Bro, have you seen 'Desperate Housewives'? Those women are sex-fiends!" Emmett is exclaiming loudly at Jasper, hardly paying attention to the road at all.

"I've never had sex with a human. Have you? Seems like it'd be like stapling jello."

"Nah, man. Too fragile and squishy. Like trying to sand a balloon."

"You guys need to shut up! This is a serious problem. I almost killed that girl!" They turn around to look at me as if they forgot I was there.

"Sorry, man." Emmett and Jasper look embarrassed for a second and then they start giggling. Story of my goddamn endless life.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I know I said I liked mysteries, but not this kind of mystery. I'm into the kind of mystery that happens in books or in the movies and is resolved easily. I like the satisfaction of solving a mystery by reading a person's mind or seeing one of Alice's visions. I am thrilled by the kind of mystery that you can solve with some surveillance or reading phone bills or snooping around in a person's desk.

This mystery, on the other hand, is not nearly as much fun. The locked safe of Bella Swan's brain is dangerous and frustrating. She's a delicious smelling human whose death would be a major inconvenience not to mention a personal moral low point and a definite political snafu. She evades logic; she's a studious, shy honor student who doesn't understand the mechanics of birth control? She's an enigma with a hooded "Forks High" sweatshirt and pre-natal vitamins and I am, in humiliating fashion, fascinated by her.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I had actually developed an interesting fantasy relationship for the two of us before I even realized how idiotic I was being. I spend 90 years of immortality having zero interest in women and all of a sudden I'm daydreaming about a pregnant teenager whose blood I want to drink? I wondered if it was the equivalent of a wine connoisseur admiring the provenance and label of an especially prized bottle of wine. But then when I imagined drinking her blood it was no longer with relish but with dread and sadness. As Emmett would say; "WTF?"

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I'm only giving you that because you really should be doing yourself a favor & reading the whole thing for yourself, ASAP. If you want to know why there are pics of Angela Lansbury & office supplies in the blinkie I made, well, you'll have read to find out. I cannot stress enough how superbly well-written & enjoyable this fic is. Having not had such a great time at work in the past week, this fic has just lifted my spirits & put a smile on my face & in my heart. Thanks, JuJu. Read it, people. You'll love it!

TwiCarol Brings You Some Light In The Dark

Help Wanted by jaxon22
Edward/Bella

Summary - Bella Swan applies for the job of PA to the rude, arrogant and distant Hollywood star Edward Cullen. Will she be able to do her job without letting feelings get in the way? A/H Lush Lemons Graphic and language.

This is a completed fic of 64 chapters so needless to say, I'm still busy reading it & I'm loving it. Well-written with a highly enjoyable storyline, this is a great read that will definitely be worth your time. A wonderful Bella, a hot-as-hell Edward & a fantastic well-developed supporting cast of all our favorite characters... what more do you need to know? The UST lasts awhile, but when the lemons get going - UNF! So go read & enjoy!

And for your weekend eye candy, I made these. Click to enlarge & save for hours of viewing pleasure guaranteed. So much pretty, so little time. ;)

TwiCarol Brings You Some Light In The Dark

Today I decided to go with a sporting theme, since I've read quite a few fics lately where our fave Twi men partake in various sports (outside the bedroom too!). First up...

Foul Territory by rinabina

Edward/Bella

Summary - After being dragged to a baseball game by her best friend, Bella Swan meets handsome first baseman, Edward Cullen with the help of a rogue foul ball. There's something about him that she can't put out of her head, and apparently neither can he. E/B AU AH

Written by the lovely & talented Marina, creator of some of my very favorite Rob wallpapers. You can catch her work on Robsessed by clicking HERE. You should go have a look, it's worth it! Marina's love of baseball & the SF Giants comes through in this fic & that makes it all the more enjoyable to read as far as I'm concerned. The last chapter posted yesterday, but there are still a couple of epi's to follow next week. Edward & Bella's road is not a completely smooth one, but the author writes it so well that you will be with them every step of the way through the good times & bad. And let me tell you, when they do reconnect it's absolutely amazing! One of the most heart-felt & moving lemons I've ever read. Nothing obvious about this story...different & a pleasure to read, so go read it! :)

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First & Ten by Nolebucgrl

Edward/Bella

Summary - Bella Swan is an aspiring sports writer and her first big assignment is to interview the league's biggest, not to mention hottest, quarterback. Will Edward Cullen school her in the rules of the game or will she teach him a thing or two? Rated M.

This WIP fic is 37 chapters in & every chapter is a superb read. It's damn funny too, especially when Emmett's involved! He is the king of pranks & the king of Hammer Pants - if you want to know what I mean by that, you'll have to get reading. This story is well-written by an author who is also a huge fan of the sport & her love for it carries into the story & her wonderful characters. Edward's parents are another highlight of this story; their inappropriateness is fantastic (though not so much for Edward & Bella). I cannot stress enough how brilliant this story is & how much you need to go read it! You definitely won't be sorry!
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Power Ten by LauraLoo7

Edward/Bella

Summary - Edward Cullen is the stroke of the Brown University Crew Team. Bella Swan is his new, shy, clumsy sophomore coxswain. Can they learn to get along for his most important season, or will he toss her out of the boat before they reach the finish line?

This fic is 15 chapters long & is complete. Funnily enough, when I think of rowing, I think of the film Oxford Blues with Rob Lowe. I used to have SUCH a crush on him when I was little, but I digress. Along with a wonderful story line & some big laughs (Edward's internal monologue is too funny), the author has made this fic very realistic & helps the reader out with a glossary of terms, so that you suddenly know way more about rowing than you ever did before. Reading this fic was a great experience & I enjoyed it immensely. I hope you will too. Btw, the picture that the author paints with her words of Edward rowing alone on the water, pushing his body to the limit... UNF!

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Take the Ice by bellamarie117

Edward/Bella

Summary - Competitive figure skater Bella Swan meets NHL hockey player Edward Cullen. Bella's Olympic dreams are crushed by injury. Can he help her find the strength to take the ice again? Will they find love and friendship in the meantime? A/H, M, E/B

This is the most recent fic I started & I'm loving every moment of it so far! A completed fic at 26 chapters, I can't wait to read more. In fact, I'm a bit put out that I had to stop reading to do this post. :P I jest. Bella meets Edward at the airport when he offers to help her with her luggage since she's on crutches. She finds herself instantly attracted to him (as you do; he is Edward after all), but is not sure if she'll see him again. She moves into her new apartment & is immediately welcomed by her neighbors across the hall, Alice & Rosalie. Having never really had friends before since her skating & success kept her pretty isolated, Bella is thoroughly enjoying this new life that she is making for herself. I adore what the author is doing with the story & characters so far & I'm going back to reading as soon as I hit "Publish Post". ;)

Oh, and one more thing...

*SIGH* November's on the way, people! ;) Hopefully we'll see some sort of trailer soonish.

TwiCarol Brings You Some Light In The Dark

Conversations_Over_Coffee by cosmogirl7481
Edward/Bella

Summary - Conversations over coffee. Sometimes when you meet "the one," falling is easy – as simple as talking. Effortless. You just have to find the words. AH

This is a beautifully written fic that is guaranteed to leave you with a huge smile on your face & make your heart sigh in delight. And it's a completed fic of only six chapters, so you can read it knowing that it's not going to take huge chunks out of RL time. Bella works in the coffee shop that Edward frequents & their conversations are something to behold. The author does such a fantastic job with the dialogue that you will be drawn in straight away. I fell completely in love with this Edward & Bella and I'm sure you will too. I don't want to give anything away, but I do highly recommend that you go read this little piece of heaven for yourself as soon as possible. This story is happy & sometimes sad and is a truly wonderful way to pass some time. So go read it now... trust me, you'll love it.

Oh, btw, have you seen this?

New stills from BD... roll on November! I just can't get that picture of Edward holding onto the headboard out of my head! UNF! :)

TwiCarol Brings You Some Light In The Dark

Eric Yorkie, The Van Helsing of Forks by duskwatcher2153

Summary - When Eric discovers the Cullens are vampires, he makes it his mission to 'get the goods' on them with hilarious results. Good thing the Cullens have a sense of humor! Twilight. Canon.

 

"Eric Yorkie!?!?!" I hear you say. "WTF?!" I hear you say. Would you believe that Eric Yorkie is SO much more than just "La Push, baby! It's La Push!" ? Well, believe it, 'cause it's TRUE! A completed fic & a quick read at 13 chapters, I cannot recommend this story enough! I adored EVERY moment of it! I laughed (this fic is effing hilarious), I cried (his precious brother struck a chord with me - I have a cousin who has Down's Syndrome) & my heart felt like it swelled to 3 times it's size (this fic is just that good). I am here to tell you that Eric Yorkie is a LEGEND & sadly no one is aware of this fact. So go read it for yourself & discover that no matter how flawed, anyone can be a hero. The author has done a truly superb job of keeping this story in canon & making it seem completely feasible. This really could have happened & I love that thought. Here's some snippets from the first chapter for you :

The red lights of the ambulance pull away while the rest of the student body mills around like sheep. Bella Swan is in that ambulance, along with Tyler Crowley and Edward freaking Cullen, or should I say freaky Edward Cullen?

It had to be him that saved her, of course. Mr. Sears Catalog model. He's good looking enough to be one, all gelled hair and cheekbones that small dogs could sleep on. He's certainly as stiff as one. He'll sit in class for a whole freaking period and not move or cough or pick his nose once. I've watched him in Biology. I've seen corpses more animated than him. And I'm not just making that up. My dad runs Yorkie Funeral Home. I've seen plenty of stiffs. Just not that many that walk around Forks High School.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Rosalie is so fine, it should be criminal. You can hear the IQ dropping of the guys she passes in the halls as they sprout woodies. Really, it's like a military salute; Rosalie walks by, high school boys' dicks stand up in honor. She has this pink shirt she wears sometimes; it's kind of low-cut and you can just catch a glimpse of the paradise of those tits. Makes me wanna holler, um hmm.

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Back at gym and I'm standing next to another member of the freak squad, Jasper Hale. If Edward is all dark and brooding, Jasper is all light and deadly. He reminds me of an albino rattlesnake. He is all tightly coiled, and when you're next to him, you get the feeling like he's barely holding on, like if you made the wrong move, he would just turn around and Snap! You'd be dead. Tyler hates him because of some unknown slight that happened last year. Tyler says Jasper looks like he's always holding back some massive bowel movement, like he's trying really hard to keep all his shit inside.

See what I mean?! HILARIOUS!!! Eric is SO much more perceptive than anyone realizes. Please go read this fic, for your own good, because it's an eye-opener & an absolute pleasure to read. Be sure to leave the author some love, she deserves it! Enjoy!

**UPDATED**

I loved this fic so much that I decided to make a banner for it! ;)

Ooh, before I forget, I watched Water For Elephants last night & it is absolutely brilliant! I felt like I was at the circus myself during the performance parts. It's amazing on the big screen. HHH Robert Pattinson does a truly fantastic job in this movie & I highly recommend watching it. He is just beautiful in it. And I want to hug Tai, the elephant. She's beyond awesome! :)

TwiCarol Brings You Some Light In The Dark

Don't Judge a Bella by Her Cover by jtmd24
Edward/Bella

Summary - Edward meets sweet, innocent Bella at a strip club one night. Or so he thinks. He may have just met his match. Rated M for language & lemons. All human.

I found this fic last week & read it over a couple of days - it would have taken less time, but stupid RL insists on intruding. So damn inconsiderate! Anyway, this fic is complete & is quite a quick read at 15 chapters. Bella goes to the strip club to meet up with her brother Jasper after his bachelor party, only he's nowhere to be found so she decides to stay for a drink. Turns out our Bella is not quite the innocent little good girl that everyone assumes she is. She has a naughty side that is a sight to behold, just ask Edward. They share an instant connection in the strip club & the evening ends with Bella taking part in a lap dance contest. I won't tell you who she ends up giving the lap dance to, since it might not be who you think it is & guessing who she decides on is part of the fun of the story. Bella has some personal issues thanks to a disastrous relationship with Jacob, and Edward unwittingly plays on some of her insecurities. When he discovers what he has unintentionally done, he goes about making it right in a wonderful way that left a huge smile on my face. BTW, the Emmett in this fic - completely fuckawesome! Love him to bits! There's even an outtake called Drunkmett to read after you're done with the main story. Don't forget to read it... you can find it HERE. Here's a couple of snippets from chapter 1 to give you a little taste...

Fuck. Fucking fuck.

I swore for the ten thousandth time as I pulled my car into a parking space at Tiffany's strip club. Yes, strip club. I was going to a strip club by myself. Was that dirty? Immoral? Eh, what the fuck did I care? I wasn't coming here because I was into chicks per say, I was meeting my soon-to-be-married older brother along with a bunch of his groomsmen. So that made it less lesbian-ish right?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Alright, back to more important things at hand. I reached to get my cell phone out of the black clutch my friend Rosalie had packed for me when I stopped at her house to change after the rehearsal dinner. She said she put only things in here I'd need in an emergency since the bag was so small. Cell phone, lip gloss, emergency money and five condoms.

I laughed when I saw those. Really Rose? Did you think I would have some kind of sex emergency at a strip club? And not just one, but five of them? Highly unlikely.

She had been pestering me non stop lately about how I was going to turn back into a virgin if I didn't give up soon. She was driving me insane. It's not like I could just walk up to a stranger and be like, "Um, excuse me. I haven't had a penis in me in two years and I'm pretty sure my vag is going to close up. Could you possibly assist me?"

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Original & funny, I thoroughly enjoyed it & I sincerely hope you do to. Enjoy!

Oooh, before I go... Robward + Headboard = *DED*  And what a way to go! That.Is.All.

No, it's not all... if there is still ANYONE out there that is not reading Fridays at Noon by the immensely talented troublefollows1017, then you are SERIOUSLY missing out & need your head read. They have doctors for that. You just HAVE to read it... it is one of the best fics I've ever read. Truth. Okay, that's it for now.

No, it's not. HA! I'm still here! I just wanted to share the fact that since I live in South Africa, I get to see HHH in WFE on April 15th. YAY ME! I hardly ever get to see movies before the US & I'm SO effing excited for this movie! Robowski FTMFW!

Okay, seriously, now I'm going. 'Til next time. Bye!

TwiCarol Brings You Some Light In The Dark

The Best I Ever Had by WhatsMyNomDePlume
Edward/Bella

Summary - Sex between friends complicates everything. Bella knows this. But she has no idea how much more Edward is going to complicate things.

I have been hearing great things about this little story & I finally got to reading it this week. It's 6 chapters in so far, looking to top out at 8 or 9 chapters in total. What an absolute pleasure to read! If you fancy a bit of extremely well-written, hilarious, charming & utterly engaging fluff this weekend, then this is for you. The witty banter between all of the main characters is superb & it draws you  in to the point where you feel as if you know them personally. It starts out with Bella letting slip to Alice & Rose that she experienced the best sex of her life two nights before, but she REALLY doesn't want to tell them who it was with. Then one after another, the rest of the friends pick up on the conversation. Tell me this doesn't make you want to run & read this fic right away...

Oh God.

I see it happening in slow motion, the words leaving Alice's mouth like a car skidding and screeching on the brakes, trying not to hit anything.

"Bella told us she had the best sex of her life two days ago but won't tell us who it was with."

I wish a car would hit me right now.

"Actually, it's 'whom'," Jasper corrects.

"Shut up, Jasper," Emmett says.

Edward turns to me, his green eyes bright and blazing, and it reminds me of the look he had as I took my shirt off that night. My stomach twists, and the feeling is not as unpleasant as it sounds.

And then he smirks and looks more like what he actually is: the smuggest bastard on the planet. "Really? Really? The best sex of her life, huh?"

Different, funny & a wonderful way to spend some time, this a must-read & I cannot recommend it enough. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. :)

TwiCarol Brings You Some Midweek Light In The Dark

Don't Fear the Reaper by DoUFlanMe
Edward/Bella

Summary - Edward tells Bella she's dead, and it sounds plausible. Also, he's really hot. Knights sometimes ride in on white hearses. A twisted tale of a mortician and the woman he loves. An undertaking between DoUTrustMe and BellaFlan. AH, OOC, Dark comedy.

I have had this fic in my TBR file for a while now, but I hadn't gotten around to reading it yet. Then I saw it rec'd on the lovely FL95's blog Bullshit Fuckery & I just had to get reading ASAP. I am so, SO glad that I did.  The absolute... brilliance... of this story just blew me away. Seriously. It is a collaboration between the fantastic DoUTrustMe, author of one of my fave fics ever Died and Gone to Heaven & the yummy Blame it on Rio, and the wonderful BellaFlan, author of the superb Becoming Bella Swan & Stigmata Tomato. This is what it says on their joint author page - Mission statement: to create inappropriate comedy using Bella and Edward... and dead bodies. Yep. You read this correctly. Dead bodies. It may be inappropriate, but it is pure comedic genius & well worth reading. I laughed so hard, I couldn't breathe. It was awesome! I don't have enough words to describe how amazing & original this fic is. I could tell you about the characters & their quirks, but it won't do them any justice at all. All I can say is, do yourself a favor, go read it now, you won't be sorry. It is sublime. I adored it! What are you still doing here? Go. Read. Laugh. Bye. ;)

 

TwiCarol Brings You Some Light In The Dark

Up To Scratch by Vican
Edward/Bella

Summary - Originally a o/s for the FML-Contest: Mischievous alarm clocks, inappropriate Christmas gifts and slippery ice - Bella's day just keeps going from bad to worse. While thoroughly pissed off at the world, she finds her salvation in the unlikeliest of places.

I found this fic last week & could not stop reading it! It's a WIP that is 14 chapters in. I laughed out loud so many times during this story that people thought I had completely lost the plot... a word of advice... don't read this on your cell phone like I did. It will get you strange looks while standing in line at the shops, at work during lunch, or even in your own home! But who cares anyway? Let 'em look! I had a blast reading this & I'm sure you will too. The first chapter (the original o/s that HunterHunting chose as her Judges Pick in the FML contest) is absolute gem & will have you hooked right away. Here's a little taste for you...

Today, I received an early Christmas gift from my boyfriend of ten months. It was soap. In a few days he will be receiving his very expensive specialized car horn he has wanted for years, while I will be enjoying my new bar of Walmart brand soap, which has already begun to give me a rash. FML

This day can just go suck Hitler's balls.

"And his dick," I conclude out loud in a snarl, not feeling that having only his balls in its mouth would be sufficient punishment for this day. After the hell it's put me through, it deserves the whole fucking package.

I glare out the windshield of my car, feeling just generally pissed off at everything, such as the streetlight 20 feet up the road and that particular shade of neon blue in the lower right corner of the billboard I just passed.

I squirm against my seat for like the gazillionth fucking time, growling with how utterly useless my squirming is proving to be. How could nothing help with this shit? It wasn't like I was wearing silk or cashmere, or some other really soft fabric that Alice would know the name and price per yard of. It's a normal fucking long sleeved shirt – can't it at least give me the decency of being slightly scratchy?

The shirt can just go lick Hitler's fuzzy ass cheeks.

As all fucking hellish days usually do, the whole mess started with my alarm clock; it decided it didn't like me anymore and that going off 30 minutes after I had set it would be really funny.

Since when do alarm clocks have minds of their own anyway?

This fic is well-written & hilarious, my favorite kind. I could tell you more about it, but I really feel that you should discover it's awesomeness for yourselves. Go read it, you won't be sorry. Who doesn't love to laugh?

TwiCarol Brings You Some Light In The Dark ...

Lunesta by daniandJojo

Edward/Bella

Summary - "No bed?" "I don't sleep." "Ever?" "No. Not at all." That's about to change.

This little piece of genius is a collaboration between one of my favorite authors, FL95, and the talented danieller123. As of now, I have read 8 chapters & I am totally hooked. Edward & Bella are bloggers & the way they meet is just brilliant! LMFAO! All I will say about it is ICE.CREAM. These two take their love of it VERY seriously. ;) I cannot wait to see where these two lovely ladies take us with this awesome story of theirs. All I know is that it's going to be completely worth it. Epic fuckery to help get you through the day. Read it, you'll love it! I know I do!

 

TwiCarol Brings You Some Light In The Dark

Dear Mr Masen by jendonna
Edward/Bella

Summary - "Error 434: Reprimanding an executive." Life changing or just stupid? Dear Mr. Masen: A story of unauthorized Internet usage, culinary delights and the goings-on at Cullen, Inc. AH, ExB.

I've had this story on my TBR list for a while now & I finally got around to it yesterday. It is so damn funny & adorable that I couldn't stop reading! This story is a collab between jennde & belladonna1472 & it's so many different kinds of awesome. Bella is new in her IT job & sends an e-mail to Edward reprimanding him for his internet usage, unaware that he is the company's CFO. They end up becoming e-mail buddies & their correspondence is a joy to read. It's six chapters in so far & I cannot wait to see what happens next. There's not that many stories that REALLY make me laugh out loud like an idiot, but this is definitely one of them. A geeky Edward gets me every time! Love it!

And in case you've been hiding under a rock & missed this...

Squee! When's November again? Can't freaking WAIT!!!