Saturday, December 11, 2010

TwiCarol Brings You Some Light In The Dark


Summary - AU/AH: Bella, Edward and the usual suspects are adults living in Seattle. They hit it off after a klutzy accident and E awakens B's ovaries, who never hesitate to voice their pervy opinion in B's head. Rated M for language and lemons.

I found this fic the other day & I'm still busy reading it, but I wanted to rec it because it is beyond awesome. It is well-written, extremely entertaining & effing hilarious. Bella's ovaries are one of (two of?) the best non-Twilight characters in FF I've ever read. You will not believe some of the stuff they come out with. LMFAO! Here's an excerpt from chapter two...

My eyes drifted to the messenger bag I'd dropped inside the door after returning from work last night. The Napkin was in there. I'd already programmed his number into my phone, but I kept The Napkin because it sort of smelled like him (if you could ignore the smell of meat). It's sort of stalkerish, I know, but I just had to keep it. I felt a little pervy every time I picked it up and smelled it. Not that I did it that often… only about ten times last night. Next thing I know I'll be saving strands of hair and going through his trash.

Is it too soon to call? I wondered. I didn't want to seem too desperate. I didn't want him to think I was a creepy stalker, even if I was one.

Call him! Call him!

What was that? Oh yes, my excited ovaries. Were they hibernating down there all this time? I'd gone twenty-five years without hearing them once, and then Edward shows up. Do men have to deal with this all the time? Taking orders from the reproductive organs left and right? It was probably easier just to listen to the damn things instead of trying to ignore them constantly. Yes, whispered The Girls (they were speaking to me so often lately that I might as well give them a name). Listen to us. Call him! Our friends down here are shriveling up from disuse! It's getting pretty lonely down here in Panty-Land… we need some company!

So now they're speaking up for the rest of my lady parts? I guess I should be grateful it was only my ovaries that I was having internal conversations with.

Emmett is once again a joy to read & Bella doesn't call him "Meat Sweats" for nothing. You have to read to find out why. It's priceless. Another highlight is when Bella meets Carlisle for the first time. Once again, the ovaries have their say...

Edward's dad was ten kinds of hot. Of course, he really couldn't compare to Edward, but for the Viagra crowd, he was definitely top notch. He gave Esme a kiss hello and turned to us. That's when the girls perked up.

Where have you been all our lives, stranger? Rawr.

Oh, fuck. Girls, no. Just. No.

Bella, we need to hedge our bets. That man is hotter than Satan in a sauna!

Oh, God. Girls, shut up.

But Bella! We want to let him play bury the sausage with us!

I was never going to survive this.
Fantastic, right? And what's even better is that it may be called Work In Progress, but the story is now complete. I cannot stress enough what a great read this is. Something to put a huge smile on your face this festive season. It certainly worked for me & I'm not even half way through yet.


  1. I will be reading this story, it sounds great, but I wanted to tell you that I totally love the 'Jumping Robs' - especially the one with the strategically-placed mistletoe in the main banner! Hilarious!!

    Merry Christmas!!
    oxox Charli

  2. Merry Christmas to you too, Charli! Thanks for the lovely comment. Jumping Rob is my very favorite highlight of 2010... he's the gift that keeps on giving. LOL ;)