This week I am going to tell you about a fic that has rapidly become one of my favorites EVER. I have been captivated from the moment I started reading it & I enjoyed what I read so much that I made a blinkie for it. I am even writing this rec on a Wednesday because I adore it so completely that I really want to try to communicate just how freaking brilliant this fic is.
The Red Eye by badjujube
Edward/Bella
Summary - It's important for any private investigator to maintain a good relationship with local law enforcement and it's representatives. Therefore, I am always cooperative and polite with Chief Swan. Also, I try not to drink his daughter Bella's blood.
First of all, it is my belief that this fic is grossly under-reviewed & frankly deserves at least a million reviews, imho. You may think I'm exaggerating a bit, but it's THAT good! This is hands-down, other-contenders-should-just-give-up-now, the best Edward I've ever read. JuJu writes him so well that the only way you can't fall in love with him is if you were, um, dead. And I don't mean vampire dead either, I mean DEAD dead. In fact all the characters are well-developed & a pleasure to read. The author has written a Cullen family dynamic that has to be seen to be believed. They truly come across as a real family with histories that you don't just have to guess at; the author gives you some of their memories to share & enjoy & laugh your ass off at. Would it be redundant if I said that this is quite possibly my favorite Cullen family ever too? Tough! It is! My favorite! Wanna know why they're my favorite? It's because we get to see them through Edward's eyes & he has a wonderful relationship with his family. Also, they are freaking hilarious! The story is all in EPOV & it's amazing! Edward's inner voice is just made of awesome. I have never enjoyed an EPOV as much as this one. Truly. Every thought he has, every awkward thing he says; it's all superbly entertaining! And it's like he's talking to you the whole time. He has a way of explaining the way he is so well & his reasoning is so sound, that it will make you love him even more. I wish every Edward-hater would read this fic; you can't help but love this guy. There is so much funny in this story that you will be grinning like a loon when you're not laughing like a hyena. And it's not always obvious, in-your-face humor. It's also subtle & sarcastic & just all-round wonderful. The author is a talented lady. Here are a few samples for you...
"If it wasn't Chief Swan's daughter maybe we could find to another teenage girl to munch on." Emmett is grinning at me over his shoulder as he gets closer to our house. "Whatsherface Mallory's mom really likes you. Maybe you could do a sex for teenage daughter trade."
"Dude, you've been watching too much 'Secret Lives of American Housewives' or something." Jasper gives Emmett a punch in the shoulder.
"Bro, have you seen 'Desperate Housewives'? Those women are sex-fiends!" Emmett is exclaiming loudly at Jasper, hardly paying attention to the road at all.
"I've never had sex with a human. Have you? Seems like it'd be like stapling jello."
"Nah, man. Too fragile and squishy. Like trying to sand a balloon."
"You guys need to shut up! This is a serious problem. I almost killed that girl!" They turn around to look at me as if they forgot I was there.
"Sorry, man." Emmett and Jasper look embarrassed for a second and then they start giggling. Story of my goddamn endless life.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
This mystery, on the other hand, is not nearly as much fun. The locked safe of Bella Swan's brain is dangerous and frustrating. She's a delicious smelling human whose death would be a major inconvenience not to mention a personal moral low point and a definite political snafu. She evades logic; she's a studious, shy honor student who doesn't understand the mechanics of birth control? She's an enigma with a hooded "Forks High" sweatshirt and pre-natal vitamins and I am, in humiliating fashion, fascinated by her.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I had actually developed an interesting fantasy relationship for the two of us before I even realized how idiotic I was being. I spend 90 years of immortality having zero interest in women and all of a sudden I'm daydreaming about a pregnant teenager whose blood I want to drink? I wondered if it was the equivalent of a wine connoisseur admiring the provenance and label of an especially prized bottle of wine. But then when I imagined drinking her blood it was no longer with relish but with dread and sadness. As Emmett would say; "WTF?"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I'm only giving you that because you really should be doing yourself a favor & reading the whole thing for yourself, ASAP. If you want to know why there are pics of Angela Lansbury & office supplies in the blinkie I made, well, you'll have read to find out. I cannot stress enough how superbly well-written & enjoyable this fic is. Having not had such a great time at work in the past week, this fic has just lifted my spirits & put a smile on my face & in my heart. Thanks, JuJu. Read it, people. You'll love it!
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